You speak so well!

The other day on twitter, 5fm DJ and Idols Judge, Gareth Cliff (@GarethCliff) tweeted:

“I think white people who talk about black people that "speak well" are really annoying, and patronising, and probably racist”.

I could not agree more! That is something I’ve encountered so many times in my life, and it’s uber annoying and très raciste!

It’s happened on planes and at schools and once at an old age home. The best/worst one (depending on your stance) is: many years ago I ordered pizza for delivery. When the guy got to my house and I walked out, he asked for the white ‘ntombi’ who ordered the pizza. You can imagine my shock. I simply told him I’d take it for her. Then when he heard me talk (and remember HE DELIVERS PIZZA) he told me I speak so well and then made me say ‘the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog’. I said it and didn’t understand the depth of the situation. He applauded and then went on his way leaving me confused.

What did he mean ‘I speak well’? Who speaks badly then? I mean really, you have people who are surprised that black people pronounce words the same way as some white people when we all go to the same schools now? That is totally retarded and close-minded.

White people, it is NOT a compliment to hear that YOU think we speak well. Tsek maan!

Either way, I’m sure you don’t know better; like calling a 56 year old man ‘Garden Boy’. I’m sure…

"Sawubona" ... "Umm, hello"

So the raging debate about coconuts continues. Last week I went out and some guy came up to me, we did the introductions and then he proceeded to ask a question in Tswana. When I responded in English he asked me why if my name is Lesego, I answered the question in English. How is this still a relevant question in 2011?? Why is he so ignorant, that he doesn’t know that there are some people in the world who don’t speak certain languages just because they are black South Africans.

When I was younger, I used to walk around apologizing for being a so-called ‘coconut’. Every time someone would ask why I don’t know particular languages, I’d say sorry and offer an explanation about how no one enforced me learning it, I went to white schools all my life… blah blah! I’m now comfortably at the point where it no longer affects me what people think about something as insignificant as language. Then there are people who praise me because I’m a better coconut than the rest because at least I understand. My sister hardly understands Tswana but that’s never stopped her from excelling in school or getting around in life. It’s just one of those things.

Every time I run into one of these situations people end with “you must learn!”. For what? For you?? HA! I’ve been cool thanks. Tswana is something I wish I did know just for just but the fact that I don’t is nothing to do with anyone else. I’ve stopped apologizing for wanting to learn French and Spanish in spite of the fact that I can’t speak Tswana, I’ve stopped feeling bad that my accent sounds “white” to other people. I’ve just stopped!

All of this is a non issue in MY life and I just don’t understand why people think that they can impose whatever their opinions are on me.

I pledge allegiance...

A real life conversation I over-heard:

Guy: “Ay yo mami. Why you fronting like you don’t want me to holla”

Girl: “Nah nigga it ain’t even like that. I’m here with ma girls and I just wanna dance!”

Guy: “Aight. Let me see that booty shake on me”

*Girl proceeds to follow the booty-shaking instruction.

Now imagine that whole scenario where the guy is saying those words but sounds like he’s never spent a day outside Diepsloot and the girl, Eldorado Park. Strangest thing I’ve ever encountered but unfortunately is not an isolated incident.

Why is it that the U.S has colonized the entire third world without even leaving their shores? Modern day imperialism is intense. And this is not a black issue alone. There was a white girl at my school who was convinced she was Paris Hilton’s long-lost twin sister. Oh the delusion!

Then you have well-known folk like T-bo Touch and Da Les who incorporate American accents into their dialect. Da Les’ accent is slightly better, it’s clear he’s been practicing for a while. Touch however, has such a distinct Limpopo-esque tinge that it just turn into a comical disaster.

Mooooving on, every single conversation I engage in these days seems to be laced with Americanisms. I am a culprit in that I say “nigga” or “bitch nigga” to describe almost everyone. I’m trying to get rid of that bad habit but sometimes it’s the only appropriate term. But I can’t go a day without hearing (or seeing on twitter) “mami”, “dawg”, “yo wasup”, “holla”… etc.

It’s also very much in the way we dress. This trend of guys wearing skinny jeans (mostly bright coloured) makes me want to slap them with a skillet! And don’t even get me started on the accessories (earphones not in use and a backpack with ‘nerd’ glasses). I wish said guys knew they look like clowns. And ladies, I know it’s the in thing to celebrate booty but let’s not get carried away with those bandage dresses that end just below your crack and just above the sea of dimples. It’s not ok. And then red or blonde weaves?? WHY?!

Let’s celebrate the things that make us uniquely South African/ African and be proud that there are things that separate us from Devonte and Shaquisha.

Everyday I'm hustlin'

Is that you in the above picture from Monday to Thursday/ Friday??

Yeah, well you're not alone. This trend of our brothers becoming allergic to work is growing. Of course there are a few who still seek to impress in the boardroom and are willing to start at the bottom and work their way up.

For the others, they are professional hustlers. They call it Hustler's Ambition. They are friends with a few rappers or DJs or are the sons of prominent businessmen or politicians and have thus decided that their route to the top will be extremely easy and will just be handed to them.

Most of these pro hustlers are "entrepreneurs". How can you begin to call yourself an entrepreneur if you've never done anything in your life? An entrepreneur by definition is: 'A person who organizes, operates, and assumes the risk for a business venture.' If there is no business venture, there is no entrepreneur. And where does this come from that people don't need a degree to succeed. Using Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg as examples is NOT ok; they are the (extremely rare) exception, not the rule. People often undermine the degree-less. It is hard to climb the ranks without a degree. It can be done but it's highly unlikely.

The thing with most of these guys, is that they went to great schools and think that through their parents' connections, they'll get 'tenders' and become millionaires or take over their dads companies when they die. Problem is, you're 28 and your dad is fit as can be... Also, I'm sure he'd rather leave the company to someone qualified... This isn't Gossip Girl!

Hustler number 2 is going to be famous. They hang in groups around already established entertainers and feature in their videos hoping to garner some fame that way. It isn't going to happen. People study the craft and then work tirelessly auditioning around town. They don't just look "swagged up" and then fall into a record deal.

It saddens me that some guys no longer feel the push that black men had in the past to dominate and look after their families by working hard. Our parents are the first generation to have real money so people also mustn't think that like white people there is generations of old money waiting in a trust fund.

Pull up your socks and work hard for your money! Prove yourself the real way and stop waiting around for a reality show to give you pocket money.