"Some of my best friends are black!"

I recently had a very interesting conversation with a girl I went to high school with and the topic was: ‘Can black people really be friends with white people without compromising themselves’? (I’m not talking to you if you are not out of school).

Now this is not aimed at the token black in any group, so if you find (when you look around) that you are the only person who looks like you, then play on playa... Also, if you are white, I can’t pretend to know this from your side so this will mostly be from a black perspective.

Now I’m not saying that I think white and black people can’t be friends but what I am saying is that it seems there has to be compromise by black people in order to make a success of the friendship. I’ve seen many examples of it: every time white and black people get together, it’s on the white people’s terms and most often on their turf. There’ll always be black people ready to go party with their friends at Tiger Tiger or Clapham Gold. But white people are always so apprehensive to venture to Pop Bottles or Hush (except the tokens). Herein lies the first compromise.

It’s interesting to me that (both black and white) “tokens” are often said to want to be a person of the other race. White tokens will be called ‘wiggas’, date black people, mostly have black friends, say “yo dogg” or “wasup bitch” a lot, and idolize Eminem. Black tokens wear white-framed sunglasses, think black “dolls” are gross and changed your name from Sipho to Seeps. Or you wear blue contact lenses, ‘could never date black “okes” and call yourself Diane when you’re really Dimakatso. Compromise of identity?

When I was in high school in Kwa Zulu Natal, I went to an amazing private school that actually had complete racists brimming underneath the surface. Someone even asked me if I thought Usher was hot and when I asked her in return she said, “I can’t tell if a black guy’s hot coz I don’t like big noses and lips”. I’ve never been more shocked in my entire life. She wasn’t even aware how racist that was. Also another girl complained that she’d get AIDS from an under-privileged group of visiting school girls and referred to Oros as ‘gardener juice’. A 3rd girl was ostracized by her friends for a certain period of time for being attracted to black guys. I’m sure many black people have also been in a social situation with white people where there was one other black person of the opposite sex and automatically everyone was trying to set you up coz you’d look “so cute together”? Bain of my existence!

Obviously there are people who’ve broken through the invisible walls and maintained healthy interracial friendships but as a whole, a lot has got to change in people's minds before they can truly appreciate and understand but also celebrate their differences.

By the way, Check out: www.blackpeopleloveus.com It’s hilarious!